Mother accusing me of stealing her money (2024)

Hi there, I don’t know if anybody else is having this horrible problem, my mother empties her bag purse and any other container with money in it, then writes horrible horrible notes left all over the house asking where her money is and why do I keep taking it, soul destroying to say the least, I fill the purse up she hides it, ground hog day, any suggestions?

Hi there, wow it so hard, unfortunately she is switched on when she is out, really pulls out all the stops, so telling anybody this just seems silly. She is a very fit 95 year old and of course I am silly 16 year old? Who knows nothing, thank you so much for your reply, I shall try with the Monopoly money soon. Thanks again.

Hi there, thank you so much for your information fact sheet, I shall defiantly download this later, funny you saying about the safe place, yesterday spent half an hour looking for her address book, she said I had hidden it as I wanted her to not be able to get in touch with anybody ever again, after much abuse I found it under her pillow, didn’t touch it but took her to it, very clever of you, she replied. Grrrrrrr

Oh the memories....not good.....mum was convinced I was trying to take over her money, make her think she was crazy so I could get her house and sell it, she went through all sorts of behaviours to stop me getting anything....including hearing aids she thought I was hiding, money, purses, bank cards, jewellery even a vase, it only stopped after a very eventful admission to hospital and new medication ( Rispiridone/Donepezil/metformin/insulin)
One night she phoned me very late to say she had found some jewellery under her mattress and she wanted me round to see it, just to prove she wasnt crazy ( not sure how that works but...) I went round as it is only two minutes away only to find her downstairs waiting for me, she then dragged me upstairs to show me, only problem was it was gone, she must have hidden it again to stop it going missing....so more upset etc etc....eventually the jewellery got 'lost' and stayed lost, which was awful but that was just one in a long line of missing items that never surfaced ......yet!!!
Eventually after many many mistakes in dealing with her, I used to ask her if she wanted me to look for something, and I would ONLY go and look if she came with me, that way she could see I didnt plant anything etc...
Good luck, I found that phase the most destructive so far.

OMG so nice to hear from you, tonight has probably been the worst night from hell, convinced I have hidden everything and am keeping her a prisoner in her own home, problem is I live in flat above hers, so my door is being knocked every time I come upstairs, she is convinced I live somewhere else, I’m pretty quiet, must get the heavy metal music going?????? Anyway god knows how this is going to go, just so upsetting, seems like you a very tough ride too, did your mum eventually end up in a home, it is the last resort but people keep telling me at 95 she has had a good innings, yes of course she had, but it’s very very taxing and hard. Unfortunately it’s got to be a few glasses of red tonight. Thanks for mail, I did have a chuckle as so much is similar to mum.

My mum is 84, and recently moved in with me after a couple of falls and generally not coping..since the medication l mentioned, specifically Rispiridone things got so much better, her paranoia and anxiety disappeared and so she was much calmer and back to her previous lovely self.
Mind you, l work full time from home and couldnt cope without the two fabulous private carers l have now doing mums personal care and meal times 3.5 hours a day 7 days a week. I cant tell you how fantastic they are and how different from the steady stream of unfamiliar faces that trotted in and out from the agency used by local authority, supposed to do 3 half hour visits but often barely managed 20 and breakfast was put on the table and left for mum to manage, only to be cleared away intact at lunchtime, did l mention mum is diabetic...anyway, that was before she moved in with me and new carers found.x

Brilliant you seem to have things sewn up, that is very interesting about the medication, I will mention this to the doctor next time we visit, only been on this site for a few hours and am already finding it a great help. Thank you.

This site saved my sanity.
The members are so generous in sharing their experiences, l think you will never find a better resource or such support than here.
I have read thousands of posts and learn something everyday yet still feel l am two steps behind the changes mum goes through.
I do feel calmer at the moment with how things are but very aware that it could all change literally in a heartbeat.
I have watched endless youtube videos with Teepa Snow and followed recomendations from other members on compassionate communication which was probably the single most helpful thing l read/watched.
I even pointed mums dementia nurse here earlier this week, she wasnt aware of it ( l think it should be required reading for all connected with dementia care)
One last thing....ask ask ask...nothing is new, nothing hasnt been experienced before and its ok to rant, and spill your feelings xxx no judgements here, just others on the same journey

Thanks xxx